Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Naomi Watts


Dallas County Jail

No, I've never been there. Except to bail someone out and for jury duty (I've never been selected). Now there's a site where former prisoners and their families can get information. It's probably biased. Read all about it if you'd like.

Joseph Kennedy's Favorite Joke

The father of the 35th president of the United States enjoyed telling this one:

Q — What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A — A pizza doesn't cry on its way to the oven.

Reported by several sources, though verification cannot be found.

The Day Charlie Met Gov. Perry

Perry became governor when Bush moved to D.C. His swearing in was private. But then he was finally elected to the office and inside information said his first official inauguration would be resplendent. I sent off for free tickets which I later learned were just souveniers; anyone could attend as long as the ceremony was held outside. Four of us went, one of whom was Charlie. She had to skip school.
We got to the capitol grounds early to stake our place. With plenty of time to waste, I offered to give Charlie a quick tour of the capitol as she'd never been inside. We went to the House chambers where she sat at some legislator's desk. Access to the Senate was denied as some committee was meeting there. Walking down the wide hall of the Capitol Expansion we decided to take a pit stop. The ladies' was on one side hidden behind an elevator bank and the men's was on the opposite side similarly hidden. Yes, I flushed and washed my hands. And exited. Workers had already roped off the main portion of the hall leaving a small gallery area on each side. Only after explaining that, "My 12-year-old is over there," and pointing to the other side did the DPS officer allow me to cross over. He explained that the governor had just arrived. German shepherds sniffed for bombs. And then down the hall walks Gov. Perry holding the hand of his wife, Anita. As they approached I said, "Hold out your hand Charlie." She said, "Why?" and all I could think to say was, "Just do it damnit." She did and the governor stepped to her, shook her right hand with his left, said, "Hi sweetie," shook my hand the same way and continued his walk to the front capitol steps. Previous governors then followed and Bill Clements happened to stop by for a quick chat. And to shake hands.
Finally all of the inside procession was over, we went outside to see Perry and Dewhurst do their thing, ate the official barbecue, watched the parade up Congress Avenue and flew back to Love Field.
Then I couldn't find the keys to my 4Runner. But that's another story.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Dallas' Proposed Pet Ordinance

•$70-per-animal permit fees for breeders
•each single house limited to 6 cats and/or dogs; owners of ½+ acre allowed up tp eight; grandfathering allowed by applying to the city
•all dogs & cats over 6 months old must be spayed or neutered unless property of a licensed breeder, a service animal or certification from a veterinarian exempting due to health reasons
•allow the city to seize then impound a dog (after a hearing) suspected of causing bodily injury to a person
•prohibit unsupervised dogs to be tethered to trees or poles
•require owners to provide at least 150 sq ft of space and a dog house for dogs confined outdoors

Of course, there were the usual protests against the ordinance.

Councilmember Elba Garcia claims that sanitation picks up over 13000 dead animals (no time period given) on the street and the city animal shelter euthanizes 80 to 100 animals each day.

In my opinion the ordinance doesn't go far enough. There should be an outright ban on pit bulls, which is the breed most often (per news accounts) associated with causing bodily harm. But that's against Texas law. So they should force male owners of pit bulls to have, "I Have A Very Small Penis" tatooed on their foreheads. Female owners should be tatooed with, "I'm Wearing Perfume to Mask My Clam Smell."


photo by Tanya Chalkin

George Carlin

The seven words you can never say on television:

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits.

R.I.P. George.

Gasoline & Credit Cards

Credit card fees are generally fixed at a little less than 2%. Many gas stations mark up their gas prices 11-12¢ per gallon over what they pay. Competition prevents a percentage markup. So when gasoline was $2 per gallon, credit card expense was approximately 4¢ per gallon. So using the 11¢ markup less the 4¢ credit card expense stations could make profit per gallon. Now that gasoline is nearing $4 per gallon the credit card expense goes up to 8¢ per gallon, which when subtracted from the 11¢ markup drops the profit per gallon to . Ouch! Wal-Mart is currently offering discounts to those using prepaid gift/store cards. We'll soon be seeing other gasoline retailers offering similar promotions to those paying cash.
See the Paper Or Plastic post.

Don Imus

Open mouth...

insert foot!

Monday, June 23, 2008

The Planet Pluto

1930-2006----And now it is a------------- ??

Texas Rangers Post-Season Victories:


Hot Dog Eating Contest Rules

•All wieners (franks) and buns should be uniform in size and weight, and should be provided.
•Each contestant is also provided a glass of water. Dunking the hot dogs in the water is allowed.
•Condiments are allowed.
•Each contestant starts with a plate of five HDBs — hot dogs in buns. Additional plates are provided as needed.
•It is a 10-minute race. The last swallow must occur by the 'bell', and the mouth must be empty.
•In case of a tie there is a two-minutes eat-off.


Also palm & card readings. Phone 214-981-9070 and see if they were expecting your call.

The Fatiha

In the name of God, the Lord of Mercy, the Giver of Mercy! Praise belongs to God, Lord of the Worlds, the Lord of Mercy, the Giver of Mercy, Master of the Day of Judgement. It is You we worship; it is You we ask for help. Guide us to the straight path: the path of those You have blessed, those who incur no anger and who have not gone astray.

one English translation of the first verse in the Qur'an, and a prayer all Muslims are expedted to recite each day.

Harry S Truman

His middle name was S.
Which reminds me of President George Herbert Walker Bush. He had one too many middle names so he decided to vomit on Japan's prime minister.

Saturn Devouring His Son

A painting by Francisco de Goya

The Flip Side Of A Coin

Did you ever notice that the flip side of a coin is flipped? You probably don't know why. The big heads and tails at the U.S. Mint don't know why either. They just say it's tradition.

BTW, since 2006 when metal prices skyrocketed, the Mint has lost more than $20 million producing pennies.
Word of the day: seigniorage.

Julius Caesar Kidnapped!

Yep. It happened about 75 BC (I refuse to use that silly BCE term). Some bloodthirsty Cilician pirates captured Jules' ship, took him prisoner and demanded a ransom of 20 gold talents. Their trouble began when they didn't recognize him. Jules laughed at the ransom figure, upped it to 50 and sent his servants out to collect. Before they got back 38 days later, Jules forced the pirates to listen to his poetry, insulted their education when they didn't like it and sent them messages to tone it down when he was trying to sleep. He even told them he was going to have them all crucified when he got back to civilization.
The pirates, accustomed to their captives cowering in fear, thought Jules quite mad. They took a liking to him and adopted him as an odd sort of class clown.
Then the ransom money arrived and Caesar was set free.
Shortly thereafter he came back with an army. The pirates were crucified.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Rainbow Connection

From The Muppet Movie.

Rodeo Grill

is a Brazilian steakhouse in Dallas on Trinity Mills just off Midway. It is owned by Guilherme Marchi and his wife Patricia. How did they come up with the name? Guilherme is the world's top bull rider. Maybe one of the best ever. He is leading the #2 rider in points 9203-6470, and is regarded as the favorite to win the world championship of the Professional Bull Riders later this month.
Guilherme at work.

She's Still Dead

One Good Looking Woman

A tribute to Penélope Cruz.
Relax Farmers Branch. She's Spanish, not Mexican.


Barton Springs. In Austin.
An underwater view.

Picture of Me!

Oil Summit

JEDDAH, Saudi Arabia — A one-day meeting here Sunday (6/22) of 35 nations (producing and consuming) and oil companies, including the CEOs of Exxon Mobil, Chevron, Shell, BP, ConocoPhillips, France's Total and Brazil's Petrobras will address the rising price of oil. Many doubt that much can be accomplished in one day.
Oil prices have doubled in the past year and tripled in the last five. Seven months ago Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah argued that $100 oil wasn't out of line with historic highs. Now oil is around $140 per barrel, and the king says that the price is too high, wants price stability and worries that high prices are destroying demand for their only natural resource which would leave no legacy for their children and grandchildren. Goldman Sachs predicts $150 oil this summer and warned that a spike to $200 is possible.

Saudi Arabia claims (rightfully so) that speculators and the weak U.S. dollar have played a major role in increasing prices. Traders (including Boone Pickens) are increasingly subscribing to peak oil theories that postulate production has reached its limit. U.S. Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman says that about 30 million barrels a day of oil is consumed in nations that subsidize oil.

1. The Chinese last week decided to curb subsidies allowing prices on gasoline to hover around $3 a gallon. 2. Saudi Arabia and other producing countries will need to convince the market that they have a fair amount of spare capacity to increase supply both near-term and long, and the kingdom is signing a refinery deal with Total to handle more of its least desirable oil; Saudi Arabia also has a $7 billion cooperative effort with Shell to build a similar refinery in Port Arthur.

3. Unlikely to be addressed at this meeting is the plummeting U.S. dollar. It's time for the American government to tackle this problem.

Numbers 1 and 2 cover supply, half of the economic equation in most commody prices. U.S. consumers are driving less and sales of gas guzzlers are falling. But Secretary Bodman made an interesting, quizzical and unelaborated statement: "For every 1 percent increase in demand, we would expect a 20 percent increase in price to balance the market." He may have the numbers to back up that statement. I would like an economist to explain it.
— — — — —
Sen. John McCain earlier this year suggested that government drop its 18.4¢ per gallon federal tax this summer. Sen. McCain admits that economics is not his strong suit and at a time when gasoline could go up 18.4¢ per gallon in one week it was a dumb idea. Sen. Barack Obama simply stated that it was a dumb idea but offered no other solution.
— — — — —
Today it is convenient and stylish to pay for gasoline at the pump. But it requires no signature. Visa, MasterCard and Discover Card guarantee that merchants will be paid $75 per transaction even if there is a payment problem. Need more than $75 in gasoline? Either pay inside with your signature or swipe your card twice.
— — — — —
Recently a big rig driver complained about his gasoline expenses in hauling a truckload of drywall (Sheetrock is a brand name) from South Dakota to Houston. My first thought was, is South Dakota the closest source for drywall?
— — — — —
A barrel of oil is usually considered to be 42 U.S. gallons.
— — — — —
Simple answer to lowering the price: define a barrel of oil as 21 U.S. gallons and we're back to $70 oil.
I should be on the ballot in November!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Championship Chili

If you know beans about chili, you know that chili has no beans.

Here is a recipe for Five-R Chili, one time winner in the Terlingua championship cook-off:
>2 lbs boneless trimmed beef (shoulder arm, chuck or chuck tender) cut in cubes or a coarse chili grind
>1 tbsp vegetable shortening
>1 ½ tsp hot sauce
>8 oz tomato sauce
>2 beef bouillon cubes
>2 fresh jalapeño peppers

Cook meat over medium heat in melted shortening until gray. Add hot sauce, tomato sauce, bouillon cubes and enough water to cover the ingredients. Add one pepper, first slitting the skin to prevent breakage. Cover and simmer 40-60 minutes. Stir occasionally and add water as needed. Remove pepper when soft and squeeze in juice. Discard pulp and seeds.

Mix the following together and divide into three equal portions:
>6 tbsp chili powder
>4 tsp cumin
>1 tbsp granulated onion
>1 tsp granulated garlic
>1 tsp MSG (optional)
>½ tsp salt
>½ tsp white pepper
>½ tsp cayenne pepper
>¼ tsp oregano
>pinch ground bay leaf

During the last hour of cooking time, add one-third of the chili powder and spices and the second pepper. Continue cooking, adding water as needed. During the last half-hour, remove second pepper, squeeze in juice and discard pulp and seed. Add additional one-third chili power and spices. Continue cooking, adding water as needed. During the last 15 minutes, add remaining one-third chili powder and spices, continue cooking. During the last five minutes, taste for seasoning. Adjust chili powder, cumin and salt.

And for all of you New Mexicans, chili ain't got no "e" in the word.

White Eggs, Brown Eggs

Usually white eggs come from chickens with white feathers and brown eggs come from chickens with red feathers. American have become accustomed to white, so most eggs are bleached. There are some blue chicken eggs. They come from Araucana chickens.
Just regular old farm chickens lay 2-3 eggs per week. Less than that and the farmer figures it costs more for feed than he's making from eggs, so guess what's for Sunday dinner?

Jerry Garcia's Finger

He lost 2/3 of his middle finger from his right hand at age 4 when his older brother chopped it off with an axe while both were cutting wood.
Bummer. Made it tough to shoot the bird.

Hillary's Campaign Debt

It was reported Friday that she had a $22.5 million debt at the end of May. Perhaps that will dissuade her from ever running for president again.

Calista Flockhart Photo

Do you really want to see this?
Do you really, really want to?
Do you really, really, really want to?
Well OK then.

For Sale

Slightly used stripper pole. Adjustable heigth. Instructional DVD included. Slightly used stripper not included. 214-358-5511.

Mortgage Rates

Per Freddie Mac, these are the mortgage interest rates as of June 19, 2008:
• 30-year: 6.42%
• 15-year: 6.02%
• 1-year ARM: 5.19%
The difference between the 15-year and the ARM is .83%. On a $100000 mortgage that would amount to a savings of approximately $830 per year, or around $69 per month if you get the ARM. Of course, there's the risk that all rates will increase and the ARM rate will go higher than the current fixed rate.

No Hats, No Sunglasses, No Hoods

Or no bank service. In 2007 there were 110 bank robberies in the city of Dallas. So many banks are now asking that those entering remove hats, sunglasses and lower their hoods, three items preferred by robbers to disguise themselves. Apparently non-compliance with the request will result in greater "attention" given to that person, something those involved in bank heists are prone to loathe.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Olympian Kerri Walsh's Butt

He Can Chew Gum And Walk

all at the same time.

Cameron Diaz

Summer Solstice

Summer solstice officially begins tonight at 6:59 pm CDT. Run naked in the woods!
This is the first time in 112 years it has occurred on June 20th.

Dumbass Kills Himself

6/17/08 — A 19-year-old man accidently shot and killed himself Tuesday morning while attempting to rob a Grand Prairie home.
Cameron Sands of Fort Worth kicked in the door of the house and shot himself in the stomach as he pulled a gun out of his pants to shoot the homeowner, police said.
The homeowner was not injured.

Remember This?

Well Do You?

Thai School Opens Transvestite Toilet

BANGKOK — Because a survey showed that more than 200 of its 2600 students considered themselves transgender, a rural school in northeastern Thailand no longer makes those choose between "male" and "female" restrooms.
The new unisex restroom at the Kampang School is designated by a drawing of a human figure split in half — part man in blue and part woman in red. Below that image are the words "Transvestite Toilet."

Human Foot Found on Canadian Beach

VANCOUVER — Another human foot was found Wednesday (6/18) on a beach, the second this week and the sixth within a year in a mystery that has baffled police.
Like most of the others, it was a right foot encased in a running shoe. No other remains were found.

(I wonder if the police have increased the number of foot patrols)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

HOV Lanes

These are designed for a driver and one or more passengers. But what if that one passenger is a dog?
Did you know that federal law mandates that motorcycles be allowed in HOV lanes? Something about blind spots and safety.
Some cities encourage slugging. Areas are set aside for single drivers to buddy up with known and in many instances unknown riders going to the same destination in order to allow usage of the HOV lanes.
HOV lanes are intended to reduce the number of cars on the highway. So supposedly a car with a driver and 4 passengers keeps 4 vehicles off that highway. But what if those passengers are kids? They don't have cars or drivers licenses and wouldn't be on the road if it wasn't for that driver already there. So is that car allowed in the HOV lane?

Snoop Dogg Goes Country!

And he's joined by Willie Nelson. My Medicine.

Amanda Peet

Those eyes!

Potato Gun

We could have fun with this!

52 And Still Wearing a G-string?

She should be shopping at JCPenney. Read.

Amy Winehouse

You'll need to hit the red X.

Just how much longer will
this woman live?

She appears to need a
good razor.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008




Lemonade Stand Robbed

dateline - TERRE HAUTE, Ind — "The guy came up and was, like, 'Give me your money,' " said 12-year-old Dominique Morefield, who was running the place with friends. The asshole got $17.50 and ran off. Dominique chased him until he ran into a house, then called police. It took officers 45 minutes to persuade Steve Tryon, 18, to come out. He was arrested on a preliminary felony charge of robbery and the court ordered him held in lieu of $50000 bail.

Fire In The Hole

Current teenage prank. They'll use the drive-up, get their food at the window and say, "One more thing: may I have a large cup of water?" Upon receiving it the driver will yell, "Fire in the hole," and throw the cup back at the $7/hour worker and soaking him/her completely.
The real dumb asses order and pay for a coke and use it for the prank. My guess is they're using daddy's credit card.
The mean ones already have their cup prepared when they get there. It may contain tabasco sauce, coffee grounds, Big Red cola and perhaps a used condom.

Jennifer Aniston's Butt

Don't watch at work. This clip did not appear in the movie/DVDs in the United States.

H. Ross Is Worried...

about what he calls the "economic crisis" facing the country because of deficit spending. He claims the nation's debt reached $9.4 trillion in April and is rising more than $1 billion a day. Visit PerotCharts.

Mrs. Mike Modano


Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Reservoir Dogs

The Cast:

Mr. Orange - Tim Roth
Mr. Pink - Steve Buscemi
Mr. White - Harvey Keitel
Mr. Blonde - Michael Madsen
Mr. Brown - Quentin Tarantino
Mr. Blue - Eddie Bunker


Relief. Use headphones!

The Guantánamo Case


"The laws and Constitution are designed to survive, and remain in force, in extraordinary times." — U.S. Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, in the 5-4 majority opinion recognizing terror detainees' right to challenge their detention in court.

"It will almost certainly cause more Americans to be killed." — Dissenting Justice Antonin Scalia, on the ruling.

Dallas May Ban Smoking In Bars

"Business owners should have the right to choose for themselves [whether or not to allow smoking], then let the market decide for itself what the public wants," says the manager of the Lakewood Tavern, a nonsmoking bar.
As a general rule, children do not go into bars, so no one, including those opting to work there, are forced to go into those places.
Hypothetical story: Joe Smith is a blue-collar worker who always wanted to open his own bar. He works the typical 40-hour week, which pays the bills, then volunteers for overtime, putting the extra cash in his piggy bank to save toward his dream. Frugal living along with a large loan allow him to open Smitty's, a bar in Far North Dallas. Then the city council, for "the health of the customers and employees," (remember, no one is being forced to be there) passes this ordinance. The sixty percent of his customers who smoke decide to start hanging out at a bar in nearby Addison where smoking is allowed. This sudden loss of business, forced upon him by a law he had no control over, results in the closing of his bar, default on the loan and bankruptcy.
Is this fair?
Should his bar be 'grandfathered' and only new bars be forced to be smoke free?

Buy a T-shirt.


Hit the
red X
in the

Diet Coke and Mentos

This looks like fun.


Yes, it must be Diet Coke. That's the rule. No substitutions allowed.

Paper or Plastic?

I'm not talking about how you want your groceries sacked. I'm talking about paying for those groceries. Cash or credit card. Some people say that we'll become a cashless society. Bullshit. Those same people claimed that computers would make us a paperless society and I'm still waiting for that to happen.
I don't get these people that carry no cash. I used to own a store that sold postage stamps. This one idiot would come in periodically to buy one stamp. One stamp! And he'd pay for it with a credit card! Buddy, carry a couple of quarters on you. And once while in a donut shop some other idiot bought one donut and tried to pay with a credit card. The owners told him there was a $5 minimum for using his card. Good for her. I saw a similar message in a 2¢ copy shop. I can just see some idiot go in there, make one copy and pull out his MasterCard. Because he wants the airline miles. When I go downtown now it's usually to the library. Though it faces Young Street access to the parking garage is on Wood Street. There are also parking meters on Wood. Parking meters won't take your credit card.

Monday, June 16, 2008

The Zoo

Took a little trip to the Dallas Zoo Sunday. It was 101°. My advice is if you go during the summer, wait until fall. BTW, the zoo is cash only (see "Paper or Plastic?" post). Since we were in the Cliff anyway, we took a short jaunt to drive by 2603 Falls Dr. where my friend Kevin Kimsey grew up. I haven't seen Kevin in a number of years so if you see him tell him I said "hi." We drove up Jefferson Blvd to Sunset High School where he eventually graduated from and where he and I as kids could always find a pick-up basketball game. Proceeding east on Jefferson we passed the Texas Theater where Kevin and I caught a few movies. It's much smaller than I had remembered.

Bye-bye Neckties??

Ahh, the man's necktie. Trading in the clip-on for a real tie once marked a boy turning into a man. And what would college high jinks and "luck" been like without the tie on the door knob? A little less private I'd guess. Wonder what they do now? Because the necktie seems to be dying. Remember the photos of the Great Depression where men wore ties while standing in soup lines? And pictures taken at baseball games where most of the men were wearing ties? Then came casual Fridays, which pretty much morphed into casual Mondays and Tuesdays and... Today wearing a tie means you're a lawyer or a judge — people you don't want to see. Or it means you're a Tom Hicks or a Warren Buffett. I'd gladly wear a tie if I had that kind of money. Of course, wearing a tie pretty much means wearing a shirt with a collar. Hey Ross! Ross! Do you own more than one shirt with a collar? You're over thirty. It's time to trade in those T-shirts when going out in public.

If It Wasn't For That Nose...

she'd be stunning.

What Did He Say?

Did I hear him correctly? Oh man, my mom told me never to use that word. And now he wants me to spell it? With cameras rolling? Oh shit!
The Spelling Bee.


Their stated markup is 14%.


The Edsel? Rambler? Pinto? Karman Ghia? Datsun? The Gremlin? Ethyl gasoline?
Sylvania Blue Dot flashbulbs? Polaroid SX-70? Kodak Instamatic 20?
8-track tapes? Betamax? Transistor radios?
Typewriters? Red & black ribbons? Carbon paper? Before fax machines?
Your first color TV? Putting a quarter on the stylus to prevent skipping? Tableside jukeboxes?
Busy signals? Party lines? Rotary-dial phones? Before caller ID? Before answering machines?
Erector sets? Lincoln logs? Wooden building blocks? Heathkits?
Defrosting the refrigerator? Hot-air popcorn machines? Before Teflon? Percolators?
Whitewalls? No seat belts? No headrests? Column shifts? Carburetors? Flooding? Chokes?
Slide rules? Abacus? Learning the metric system? Protractors? TI-30 calculators?
Top-loading VCRs? Changing channels with a knob? Tape rewinders? Slide projectors?
Braniff? Pan Am? Eastern? Frontier? TWA? Muse? Legend? Sonic booms?
Ginsu knives? Veg-O-Matic? Pocket Fisherman? Mr. Microphone? View Master?
Indian head test patterns? Clock radios with numbers that flipped down? Ham radios?
Airmail? Special delivery? Telegrams? Telex? Before zip codes? 25¢ stamps?
Wooden tennis rackets? Wooden baseball bats? When woods were wooden?
Double-edged razors? Bobby pins? Metal toothpaste tubes? Sleeping in rollers?
Farrah Fawcett's nipples? Actually watching the Miss America Pageant? Sex before AIDS?

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Chelsea Handler

For Paul

Rumor has it that you used to drink a beer or two (or three or four or) and play the guitar/sing some songs. Is this true?

Free Credit Report

The place to go for your free annual credit report every 12 months from each of the three national credit bureaus (Experian, Equifax and TransUnion) is here.

What IS This?

Friday, June 13, 2008

Phone Sex

You must double-click on the name PhoneSex. Click on the pictures at the bottom to read their comments.


When I was in high school I used to run around some with Rusty Sample. He had an older sister named Cheryl. Rusty and I were sophomores and his sister was a senior, so she didn't have much to do with me. As a matter of fact she had little to do with her brother. But she had a reputation. You see, Cheryl was easy. That's right, she put out. Cheryl Sample got the nickname of Free Sample!


Bought a little 2.5 fluid oz bottle of it and drank it about 2 hours ago. Is this stuff legal? Must be. It's in the fridge at the Texaco mart. $3. Three dollars. Redline.



50¢ Term of the Day

Underpass — the politically correct term for 'fail.'

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Auto Insurance

Don't have auto insurance? Or know someone who doesn't? Careful. Big Brother is watching.

$5 Word of the Day

Ergocalciferol — vitamin D2

Strong vs Weak Dollar

•A strong dollar lowers the price of foreign products for U.S. consumers; it helps keep inflation in check; travel abroad is more affordable for Americans; it's usually a sign of a strong economy.

•A strong dollar also makes U.S. products more expensive overseas, making it harder for U.S. companies to compete in foreign markets; it makes it more difficult for foreign investors to buy dollar-based securities at times of heavy U.S. borrowing.

•Conversely, a weak dollar makes American products relatively cheap abroad; more foreign visitors can afford to visit the U.S. It costs Americans more to buy foreign products thus fueling inflation. If the dollar continues to sink as it has been it could even trigger a sell-off by foreigners of U.S. investments, making it harder to pay down the national debt and increasing the risk of a recession.

•Oil is generally bought and sold in dollars, making a weak dollar one of the factors in high gasoline prices.

•The dollar has been on an extended slide against other major currencies for about five years, during which time the U.S. trade deficit has continued to rise, requiring more borrowing from abroad and furthur weakening the dollar. And recent sharp interest rate cuts by the Fed to deal with the housing and credit crises have also pushed down the dollar's value.

•Raising interest rates would strengthen the dollar. But it could be a blow to the economy and increase recession risks.

••Market traders, as shown by the rise in yields of the two-year note, expect an interest rate hike of at least ½ point in the next quarter, after their June meeting. The Fed's primary responsibility is to control inflation.

Free Fast Food

This is one way. "Dude, what the hell?"

This is another way. I never thought of this when I was a kid.

Text Message From Jenny

Received yesterday (Wednesday) afternoon:

I'm 7 weeks

I knew what that meant. Per the phone call just a little later, the tentative date is January 26. She had told Brad that there was a baby in her belly. He asked her to open her mouth. Did he think a big toe might be sticking out?

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Rumor Has It

The Urban Legends Reference Pages and other tidbits brought to you by Snopes.
Check it out.

Five Civilized Tribes

The Five Civilized Tribes consisted of the Cherokee, Chickasaw, Choctaw, Creek and Seminole. They were considered civilized by white settlers during that time period because they adopted many of the colonists' customs and were considered friendly. They lived primarily in the Southeastern United States before their diaspora elsewhere, especially Oklahoma.

Online Crosswords

Hey, it save paper. It saves pencils. And it's free.
Courtesy of USAToday. Click the Featured Puzzle to play.

Oklahoma Bottle Clubs, et al

As a young adult in Sherman, there were no bars open to the public. The city was dry and alcohol sales were pretty much limited to the three veterans clubs, where membership and admittance was limited. Denison was wet and had some bars but they were the typical bars with music coming from a juke box and no dance floors. But just across the Red River was Oklahoma and River Road. Lobo's and Pappy's Play Pen were on River Road, which was periodically paved and periodically not. These were private clubs though membership was free, and according to then Oklahoma law they could sell beer and the bartenders could mix a drink for you if you brought your own bottle of liquor. I had little money so I brought cheap whiskey. Upon entering Lobo's, the doorman would put a piece of masking tape on patrons' bottle with a number on them. I'd take mine to the bar where the bottles were kept and order a drink out of it. While it was being mixed I'd note the number on a bottle of good whiskey such as Jack Daniels. When the waitress later came by I'd order a "Jack and coke out of number 12" (the number on someone else's bottle, and yes it was Jack Daniels). This would go on until time to leave when I'd go to the bar and get my almost full bottle number 35 (el cheapo) and take it home. I never did get caught.
Lobo's and Pappy's Play Pen were the big boys on River Road. Every once in a while another club would open and take some business away from the originals. After the new kid on the block was open about three months it would mysteriously burn to the ground early in the morning. Arson was never to blame. No one was ever charged. The Bryan County sheriff lived in a very nice house.
— — —
Driving north on River Road would bring you to a more commercial district. There were a couple of outlaw bars there. One, I forget the name, kept the front door locked and you had to ring a doorbell. Then a small peephole would open, an eyeball would check us out and the door would unlock. Entertainment consisted of beer, pool & gambling. Big gambling at the pool tables. But at midnight the main pool table was shut down, the holes plugged and a backstop placed on the end of the table. Craps! Unlike Vegas, this was the more simple game. Of course, the owner ran the game and took a cut of the action. I never played. I never saw anyone get shot. But I heard stories.
The other outlaw bar had topless dancers.
— — —
You theoretically had to be 21 to buy alcohol in Oklahoma and at that time liquor was only sold in a few state-owned stores marked only by an arrowhead. Down the street from the outlaw clubs and directly across Denison Dam was Pie's Place. The old man that owned it had white hair and always wore pants and shirts to match. You could buy liquor there by simply entering his bar and just waiting by the front door. Eventually Pie would approach. You'd place your order (a fifth of Old Crow - that's all he sold), he'd take your money and disappear, coming back a few minutes later with a full brown paper bag. The idea was to take the merchandise and leave the premises immediately. Of course I was underage. The only time I worried was when he turned down two Airmen in uniform directly in front of me. But he filled my order as soon as they left. Pie slept in the place and had a drive-up window with a buzzer. That's where you bought beer and Old Crow after hours. Pie was a hard working man.

Chinese Boy's Extra "Unit"

He was born with two of them, one on his back. Check it out.


The central core of conservatism is lower taxes, smaller government and greater emphasis on personal liberty over government edicts.

For those wanting religion emphasized in schools and abortion made illegal, please read the last two.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Keep On Truckin'

She's African-American

That blonde hair.
Those beautiful blue eyes.
She's Charlize Theron and she's a naturalized
U.S. citizen.
But she was born in South Africa.
On the census form she checks
African-American. Because she is.

Meeting Marcia Ball

It first happened at Taste Addison. I liked her East Texas/Louisana music with her honky-tonk style keyboard playing. So did Kenny. We walked to the front and got right up to the stage. Between songs I caught her attention and asked for her credentials hanging around her neck. Wordlessly she shook her head as if somewhat put back that someone would even ask for such. But they got in her way so she took them off and placed them atop her instrument. (Don't know why the term is plural since it's just one plastic ID). The "tall one" continued to play, and Kenny and I stayed, listened and often moved to the music. Hers was the closing act of the three-day festival. At the end of her set she stood to acknowledge the applause. She then looked me in the eyes and pointed at me, grabbed her credentials and gave them to me! She and her band then left the stage.
A few years later, in 2004, I again met her at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. She autographed one of her CD's for me, I reminded her of the Taste Addison incident and again asked for her credentials. She smiled and politely turned down my request and explained that they were her admission for the rest of the weekend.
Find out more about Marcia.

At that same concert in Austin, I met Ray Benson of Asleep at the Wheel fame. I offered to buy him a beer. He said that he'd quit drinking years ago. He's easily approachable.

Monday, June 9, 2008

$5 Dollar Word of the Day

Disarticulate — to separate at the joints, as the bones of a body. Example: James Byrd Jr's head was disarticulated while being dragged from a pickup truck near Jasper, Texas.

Shuffle Poker Chips

Look just like a pro! Easy lessons.


Responding to Spike Lee's critism of the lack of blacks in the Iwo Jima film Flags of Our Fathers, Clint Eastwood says, "A guy like him should shut his face. ...Has he ever studied the history?"

Pop's Influence

On the evening of October 12, 1931, Louis Armstrong opened a three day run at the Driskill Hotel in Austin, Texas. Among those who paid 75¢ to get in that night was a freshman at the University of Texas named Charlie Black. He knew nothing of jazz, had never even heard of Armstrong; he just knew there would likely be lots of girls to dance with. Then Armstrong began to play. "He played mostly with his eyes closed, letting flow from that inner space of music things that had never before existed. He was the first genius I'd ever seen. It is impossible to overstate the significance of a sixteen-year-old southern boy seeing genius for the first time in a black person. With literally never seeing a black man in anything other than a service capacity, Louis opened my eyes wide and put to me a choice: Blacks were alright in there place, but what was the place for such a man? And of the people of which he sprung?" Charlie Black.
Charlie Black went on to become Prof. Charles L. Black, a distinguished teacher of constitutional law at Yale. In 1954, he helped provide the answer to the question Louis Armstrong's music had first posed for him. He volunteered for the team of lawyers, black and white, who finally persuaded the Supreme Court in the case of Brown vs. Board of Education, that segregating school children on the basis of race and color was unconstitututional.
JAZZ A Film By Ken Burns, Volume Four

Listen to Stardust.

Happy Birthday Chet

Today is June 9, 2008, so it must be 31 candles for you.

I can remember when you lived on Santa Maria Ct. in Albuquerque and always kept the patio door unlocked because your previous roomy had the only key to the house and took it with him when he moved out.

For furniture repair & kitchen cabinet restoration go here.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Bye-Bye Hummer

Its drivers used to be a proud bunch. But now the Hummer is passé. It's no longer news when the price of gasoline goes up 9-10¢ per gallon in one day. Hummers are not versatile like pickups. As a matter of fact they're impractical. And their in-city mileage numbers approximate the age of a seventh-grader. General Motors most likely will try to sell the Hummer brand. And when they discover the impossibility of doing so, they'll execute it. Bye-bye.

Jennifer Aniston's Headlights

Perhaps she
had been
shopping in
the frozen
food section.

Collin County Democratic Convention

Those who know me know that my vote in the Democratic Primary, the later-that-evening caucus and my petition to be a Obama delegate to the County Convention had almost everything to do with my disdain for Clinton. Plus, it was almost certain that McCain would win the Republican nomination and I thought attending the Democratic County Convention would be interesting and a learning experience.
My mother could have planned a more organized meeting and she died years ago. It was held in the new (and nice) Frisco Convention Center. Upon entering, there were almost 3000 trying to register, but no directional signs and no party representatives to tell you where to go. Some delegates faced east while the others faced west. Turns out you had to register at the only one of several windows that listed your precinct, but that listing wasn't made known until you got to the front of the lines. So I maneuvered to the front, feigned a need to go to the restroom and when I exited simply blended into the correct line. Only word of mouth informed me that I first had to check in with the guy wandering around with the clipboard. I tried to do so, he told me to go to the back of the line, I told him that wasn't going to happen and returned to my spot. He finally came over to me, asked me my precinct number and to see my voter's registration card and told me I wasn't on the list. After I told the dope that he was looking on the wrong precinct page he corrected himself and checked my name off. Word of mouth again informed me that I had to sign a paper on this unmanned table in the middle of a mass of people. I did so and returned to my spot. Finally I reached the window, again showed my voter's registration cardwhich was checked against "the list" and was given my credentials. Mine was blue, for delegate. Some were yellow for alternate. I had entered at 11:30 and it was now 1:00, the time the convention was suppose to start but there were still thousands in line.
The big convention ballroom was packed when the hoohah finally began a little after 3:00. I couldn't find my precinct again due to poor signage (I did later) so I sat at the back and listened to the announced rules and several motions, one of which asked that the numerous seated alternate delegates (yellow credentials) leave the seating area. This motion passed and most did. Then an announcement was made that a certain committee was to meet in a certain room to go over each and every name to insure the authenticity of the delegates per party rules. It was a little after 4:00 and I knew it would be a long day. The lull was broken by periodic requests for money to help defray the costs of renting the place. Around 5:30 the person at the dais said the committee in the room was still checking the authenticity of delegate names and that there would be a break for 30 minutes to an hour. I knew better, but I finally found my precinct group. It was divided between the Obama camp and the Clinton camp, with each one selecting one delegate to attend the State Convention. Those wanting to go were making there spiels about why they should be the one. This made no sense because at the end their credentials were placed into a hat and one was chosen.
Boredom, boredom, boredom, boredom. Nothing happening except more request for money to help pay for the place and the big announcement that they would now take credit cards!
I was hungry but the food was expensive. Some hadn't planned very well and found out that cigarettes weren't sold in the Convention Center. It was now 8:30 and nothing had really happened since around 4:00 (the committee checking names was still meeting) except more requests for money. After hearing that if delegates left the convention they should turn over their credentials to an alternate, I left. And took my blue credentials home. We watched an episode of Dexter on tv.
The next morning's paper didn't have a full report because the convention ran past press deadline. I later heard it ended around midnight-thirty.
One more thing. The County Convention was held on a Sunday because of a next-door Rough Riders game on Saturday and there were parking and traffic concerns. There was later talk about challenging the Collin County delegates in the Rules Committee at the State Convention because the party required senate district and county conventions to be held on Saturday.
It seems the Texas Two-Step was done with two left feet. I'm voting for McCain. But I'm glad I went.


Why Hillary Lost

Strategy — She believed she was the chosen one from the get-go and would have the nomination in hand by Super Tuesday. There was no backup plan when that didn't happen and very little cash. She also put too much emphasis on big states and almost ignored caucuses.
Gaffes — There was no sniper fire when her helicopter landed in Bosnia. Why did she repeatedly claim there was? And then there was her husband Bill's mouth.
Message — She ran on experience while Obama ran on change. Turns out the Democrats wanted change.
Opponent — She thought she had oratory skills until she came upon Obama.
Pantsuits — Those unfortunate enough to have seen her tree-trunk legs know why she wears them. But she obviously doesn't have a fashion consultant. Just wonder what she wears when she answers the phone at 3 o'clock in the morning?
Character — She has none.


Saturday, June 7, 2008

Football Stadium Names

Invesco Field at Mile High — Denver Broncos
Bank of America Stadium — Carolina Panthers
Qualcomm Stadium — San Diego Chargers
Monster Park — San Francisco 49ers
FedEx Field — Washington Redskins
M&T Bank Stadium — Baltimore Ravens
Reliant Stadium — Houston Texans
LP Field — Tennessee Titans
Gillette Stadium — New England Patriots
Lincoln Financial Field — Philadelphia Eagles
Qwest Field — Seattle Seahawks
Edward Jones Dome — St. Louis Rams
University of Phoenix Stadium — Arizona Cardinals
McAfee Coliseum — Oakland Raiders
Lucas Oil Stadium — Indianapolis Colts


Stepin Fetchit

is the stage name of comedian and actor Lincoln Perry (1902-1985). His film persona is that of a befuddled, servile, mumbling, shiftless fool, and was often considered the laziest man in the world. He became the first black actor millionaire, but had to declare bankruptcy in 1947. When the Civil Rights movement began, Stepin Fetchit came to symbolize something black Americans wanted to forget.
View a video clip.


Angie Harmon Photo

I don't believe she's wearing any bloody knickers!


Love Field

was named for Lt. Moss Lee Love.
Moss Love was born in 1879 to a prominent family in Fairfax County, Virginia, where his father was a judge. He taught school for awhile in Fairfax County, then joined the 7th Cavalry of the U.S. Army in 1901.
The Wright Brothers flew their first flight in 1903, and the military value became obvious. Lt. Love was among the first soldiers to volunteer for flight training. The aircraft were very unstable, the engines unreliable and the pilots were still learning as they went along. One or more of these led to his demise on September 4, 1913. The New York Times story was headlined "Army Aviator Killed — Lieut. Love Meets Death When His Aeroplane Falls 300 Feet."
When World War I came along, flight-training bases opened across the South. The field started in Dallas in 1917 was named in honor of Lt. Love.


40 Acres And A Mule

This was compensation made to freed slaves. It was authorized by Special Field Orders No. 15, issued January 16, 1865, by Major General William T. Sherman. It awarded 40 acres to black families (heads of households) near the coasts of South Carolina, Georgia and Florida. Plans were also made to use excess government mules, awarding one each per family. By June 1865, 10000 freed slaves were settled on 400,000 acres in Georgia and South Carolina. After Lincoln was assassinated, Andrew Johnson reversed the order and returned the land to its white former owners. Current U.S. Rep. John Conyers uses these facts as basis for his annual introduction of legislation for reparations for African-Americans. Spike Lee's film production company is named "40 Acres and a Mule."


Friday, June 6, 2008

Volunteer Opportunity

Regardless of your views on the War in Iraq, most Americans support our troops. Unlike the Viet Nam era, military service today is voluntary and those joining know there is a high probability of going to Iraq or Afghanistan. Their return stateside begins with military transport to Kuwait. Then they fly by chartered commercial jet to England or Ireland for refueling and a change of flight crew. Then it's a non-stop flight to one of only two airports - Atlanta Hartsfield or DFW. Only at DFW have veterans organized a welcome, and everyone is encouraged to participate. Yes, there are a few family members there and they are allowed the area closest to the customs exit. Others are everyday folk just wanting to help make an impact on the service men and women touching American soil for the first time in 12-15 months. You'll see parents wanting to teach patriotism by bringing their teenagers with them. Expect at least 80 other people there just to clap, shake hands or high-five. This happens 365 days per year, usually around 7:00am. Park close-in at gate D and you'll receive a voucher for free parking. I've practiced what I'm preaching. I've been there. For recorded information, call Troop Arrival at 972-574-0392. What are you doing early Saturday morning? Sleeping?


Property Taxes

The City of Dallas has long wanted a hotel adjacent to its convention center. Plans are in the works for such and the city has an option to buy a piece of property for $41.3 million after two private appraisers estimated the value at more than $40 million. Want to know what the Dallas Central Appraisal District has the land valued at for tax purposes? $7.5 million.
Texas is one of only a handful of states that do not require property sales prices to be disclosed. For residential owners, the Multiple Listing Service reports prices keeping home appraisals close to market value. This doesn't occur with commercial property sales. The Texas Association of Appraisal Districts released a study saying commercial property is undervalued by 40 percent.
Texas does not have a state income tax and most likely never will. This leaves property tax to be a vital source of revenue. State Rep. Michael Villarreal, D-San Antonio, and state Sen. Jeff Wentworth, R-San Antonio, have tried in the last two legislative sessions to make sales disclosures mandatory. Despite broad support from state and local elected officials, both efforts failed. It's time for commercial property owners to carry their fair share of the load. Ask the stance of those that represent you in Austin.


The End of The World

The world will officially end in 2012. On December 21st. At exactly 11:11am GMT (Greenwich Mean Time). That's 5:11am CST. Mark your calendars.

— • — • — • — • — • —
In a totally unrelated matter, Cuba announced that it has authorized sex-change operations. But only for those that want them.


Bill Clinton's johnson

Two Chicks Chatting
Remember Gennifer Flowers? Remember Paula Jones? Yep, they're famous for doing the nasty with Bill Clinton. They've gotten together and have their own web site where, for just $1.99, you can hear them discussing the size of the presidential willie. (Some of it is free, so check it out). "It's small." "It's very small." "Arkansas is a small state." "I wonder if Hillary bit it off?"


Lyndon Johnson's johnson

Apparently the complete opposite of Bill Clinton's. Read this. Texas is a large state.


Thursday, June 5, 2008

Iraqi Education Plan

The Iraqi Education Initiation was announced by Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki May 11th. It would send 10,000 high school graduates a year to study abroad — for the next five years. The students would go to the United States, Canada, Britain and Australia, with the bulk of them headed here. After their studies they would be required to return home. Iraq once claimed the best education system in the Middle East but it's been declining for the past 30 years. And Iraq has been bleeding human capital since the Iran-Iraq war.
Candidates for study abroad would be picked from each province to surmount sectarian tensions. The program would pay all expenses for the students, not just for bachelor's or doctorial degrees but also for two-year technical degrees in such careers as lab assistants or administrators.
The cost is estimated at approximately $1 billion a year. It would be paid for from Iraq's oil revenue. Ergo it would not cost the American taxpayer one red cent. The only thing Iraq is asking for from the U.S. government is help with visas.
Two thumbs up.


Anaconda Rules

A poker game for when everyone is bored.

Each player is dealt seven cards face down (yes, you can look at them) and there is a betting round. Each active player then passes any three cards to the player on his left. There is another betting round, and then each player discards two cards from his hand and arranges his remaining cards face down in a strategic order. Each player flips his first card over simultaneously, followed by a betting round. This continues for each card until the showdown, with the highest hand winning the pot.
Note that if you are dealt a strong hand (like a full house), you are forced to break it up when you pass three of your seven cards. When choosing the cards to pass, you should anticipate receiving low or midrange replacements. The key is the arrangement of your face-down cards. Since they are revealed one at a time, sort them in an order that will keep your opponents guessing to the end.


Hockey's Original Six

These teams comprised the NHL for the 25 seasons between the 1942-43 season and NHL Expansion:

•Montreal Canadiens
•Toronto Maple Leafs
•Boston Bruins
•New York Rangers
•Detroit Red Wings
•Chicago Black Hawks


Brigitte Bardot

PARIS - Brigitte Bardot was convicted Tuesday of provoking discrimination and racial hatred for writing that Muslims are destroying France.
A Paris court handed down a $23,325 fine against the animal rights campaigner and former screen siren. Ms. Bardot was also ordered to pay $1555 in damages to MRAP, a French anti-racism group.
Her lawyer, Francois-Xavier Kelidjian, said he would talk to her about the possibility of an appeal.
MRAP filed a lawsuit last year over a letter Ms. Bardot sent to then Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy. The remarks were published in her foundation's quarterly journal.
In the December 2006 letter to Mr. Sarkozy, now the president, Ms. Bardot said France is "tired of being led by the nose by this population that is distroying us, distroying our country by imposing its acts."
Ms. Bardot, 73, was referring to the Muslim feast of Aid el-Kebir, which is celebrated by slaughtering sheep.
French anti-racism laws prevent inciting hatred and discrimination on racial or religious grounds. Ms. Bardot had been convicted four times previously for inciting racial hatred.
"She is tired of this type of proceedings," Mr. Kelidjian said. "She has the impression that people want to silence her. She will not be silenced in her defense of animal rights."
The Associated Press


Wednesday, June 4, 2008

When Blind People Dream

they don't do so visually. Didn't think about that did you?

Road Trip #1

Sample beer at the Spoetzl Brewery in Shiner, Texas. Free tours are offered at 11am and 1:30pm M-F. They make around 175 barrels per day or roughly 15,000 cases. A barrel is 31 gallons. There's not much else to do in Shiner, which is about halfway between San Antonio and Houston in Lavaca County.

Loving County, Texas

Located here [just wait; it'll get there] in West Texas, Loving has a population of 52¹ and only one town, Mentone, with a population of 15¹. The Hispanic population is approximately five or six and the black population got smart and moved out a long time ago. Loving County is known for making Edna Reed Claton Dewees the first elected sheriff in Texas². It is wet, alcohol wise, and pretty damn dry precipitation wise. Directions: you can't get there from here³.

¹2006-2007 Texas Almanac
²wikipedia, so you know it can be believed
³I read it somewhere

Notre Dame Football Sucks!

You either love Notre Dame football or you hate it. I hate it. And here's why:

•They have the easiest recruiting job of all colleges. Think of all the Catholic high schools out there with most of their football players dreaming of going to Notre Dame. Simple supply and demand means that Notre Dame is just about the only program where the recruiters never have to leave the campus.

•NBC obligates itself to televise all of Notre Dame's home football games making recruiting even easier. Imagine the thoughts of future NFL stardom going through the minds of the visiting high school players when told they'll be on national TV five or more times each year.

•They're not a member of any football conference meaning there's no revenue sharing with other colleges. They could afford bidets for their locker rooms but refuse to install them because they think their shit don't stink.

•What's with not having names stitched on the back of their jerseys? Their not the NY Yankees. And put a logo or something on those gold helmets.

•I'd like to set fire to that little dweeb of a mascot that runs around in the knee-high socks and green suit and fake red hair and beard. If UT have a real longhorn Notre Dame can get a real leprechaun.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Spam™ Ingredients

Pork with ham, salt, water, modified potato starch, sugar, sodium nitrite.
The dreaded word "byproducts" isn't on the label. Want more information?

If you've read this far, you might as well know that the eight in V8 Juice is. Tomatoes, carrots, celery, beets, parsley, lettuce, watercress and spinach.

I'm Positive Texas Can Become 5 States, Maybe

Once upon a time when Texas looked like this the Texicans put the whup-ass on Generalisimo Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna and Texas became its own country. The smart ones drew up a constitution but the smarter ones realized the republic was saddled with debt and wanted Texas to be part of the United States. But in 1836 the slave population numbered 5000 and the U.S. Congress said, "No way José" to statehood so Texas said, "We'll show you" and ended up with 38,753 slaves per the 1847 census. Now back up just a little to November, 1844, when James K. Polk won the presidential election on the issue of expansion. So then current President John Tyler got Congress to approve the admittance of Texas as a state. It became effective in 1845. Got all that? So anyway, both the Joint Resolution of Annexing Texas and The Ordinance of Annexation contain this language:
New States of convenient size not exceeding four in number, in addition to said State of Texas and having sufficient population, may, hereafter by the consent of said State, be formed out of the territory thereof, which shall be entitled to admission under the provisions of the Federal Constitution.
So we can!
But wait. In 1861, when the slave population in Texas was 183,000, Texas seceded from the Union due to the Great War of Northern Aggression only to be readmitted in 1865. Constitutional scholars say the secession effectively forfieted the divide-into-five-state privilege.
So we can't!
But wait. That's just what a bunch of smarty pants say. It's never been challenged in court (where the smarty pants would probably win). So we can!
It's moot. The reason originally intended was to have the possibility of increasing the number of slave states. The only reason to do so now would be to increase Texas' presence in the U.S. Senate. But barring any disaster that would make 9/11 look miniscule, Texans would never divide the state.

Back to the slavery thing. Abraham (no middle name) Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation freeing the slaves in Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana (except for the parishes of St. Bernard, Plaquemines, Jefferson, St. John, St. Charles, St. James, Ascension, Assumption, Terre Bonne, Lafourche, St. Mary, St. Martin, and Orleans, including the city of New Orleans), Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Virginia (except for the forty-eight counties designated as West Virginia, and also the counties of Berkeley, Accomac, Northhampton, Elizabeth City, York, Princess Ann, and Northfolk, including the cities of Norfolk and Portsmouth).
Whew. That wore me out.
The Emancipation Proclamation was signed before Al Gore invented the Internet so news was usually olds. On June 19, 1865, General Gordon Granger arrived in Galveston with 1800 federal troops and proclaimed the emancipation of the slaves. Over the years the term June 19th has contracted to Juneteenth. It's now a state holiday and is also celebrated in an increasing number of states.

Monday, June 2, 2008

A Most Beautiful Song

From the movie Across the Universe. The cute chick with the multi-octave voice is Evan Rachel Wood also known for her relationship with Marilyn Manson. Just listen.

Ping Pong and Taxes

Amazing. Watch this. And it only took one take!

Rick Gosselin's Off-Season NFL Rankings

We'll see how well his predictions are come February 1, 2008, in Tampa.

1. New England Patriots
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Dallas Cowboys
4. San Diego Chargers
5. Jacksonville Jaguars
6. New York Giants
7. Pittsburgh Steelers
8. Cleveland Browns
9. Philadelphia Eagles
10. Seattle Seahawks
11. Minnesota Vikings
12. New Orleans Saints
13. Tennessee Titans
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
15. Cincinnati Bengals
16. Buffalo Bills
17. Houston Texans
18. Green Bay Packers
19. Carolina Panthers
20. Washington Redskins
21. Arizona Cardinals
22. Chicago Bears
23. St. Louis Rams
24. Oakland Raiders
25. Detroit Lions
26. Kansas City Chiefs
27. Baltimore Ravens
28. Denver Broncos
29. New York Jets
30. San Francisco 49ers
31. Miami Dolphins
32. Atlanta Falcons

¿Say What?

The Barrio Spanish Dictionary of words Mrs. Nuñez never taught you in 5th period.

baboso - stupid person; drooling idiot
cabrón - asshole; badass
chichis - boobies; breasts; titties; hooters
chúntaro - Mexican redneck
cojones - if you're a guy, you have two hanging below your papalo unless you're Lance Armstrong
culo - ass, as in buttocks
jefe - chief; da boss at construction sites
jornalero - day laborer
gabacho - white person, especially American; what gringos call gringos Mexicans call gabachos
güey - dude. use it carefully
maricón - gay
papalo - penis; dick; willie; johnson
pendejo - asshole
pinche - short order cook or kitchen boy. an all purpose insult inhancer
popola - vagina; pussy
puto/puta - faggot/female whore. one of the most popular words in the barrio

Y Más

Big Mac - Big Mac
green card - it means you're in Los Estados Unidos legally, man, except the word is part of a U.S. government plot to confuse Mexicans trying to learn English because the card is actually pink.
Juárez Police Chief - polite term for someone whose days on Earth are numbered
Wal-Mart - Mexican for Shopping Mecca
dollar movie - Mexican for Friday night date
Chevy - pronounced just like it's spelled, gabacho; the greatest invention in transportation since the burro.
barbacoa - barbecue
chicklets - what 10-yr-old Mexican girls sell to American tourists
popola - whar 20-yr-old Mexican girls sell to American tourists
Jarritos - brand of fruit flavored bottled soda hecho en México
Jumex - brand of fruit flavored canned soda hecho en México
Bimbo - brand of packaged sweet pastries made in the U.S. but Mexicans think it's hecho en México

first name, father's surname, mother's surname

Hispanic - broad label coined by the U.S. government in the 1970's to describe people who were born in any Spanish-speaking country of the Americas, or those who can trace their lineage to Spain or Spanish territories.
Chicano - usually associated with the political movement of the 1960's. It's origin is unknown but one theory has it that the word "Mexicano" was once pronounced by foreign invaders as "Meschican."
Latino/Latina - m/f, a person of Latin American descent, but not of Spain.
Guatemalan - Americans tell Polish jokes, Mexicans tell Guatemalan jokes.
Q: Why aren't there any Guatemalans on Star Trek?
A: Because even in the future they don't work.

No vale madre - isn't worth shit
mojado - wetback

Q: Why do Mexican children receive tamales for Christmas?
A: So they'll have something to unwrap

Why don't Mexicans drop their Spanish and just speak English?
Think about this while eating your refried beans: Spanish has kept a constant presence in the United States since even before English. The oldest city in the U.S. is St. Augustine, FL, founded by Spaniards in 1565, twenty-one years before the English crown even bothered to explore the Americas. The oldest American capital is Santa Fe, founded in 1609, over 150 years before the United States was even born and almost 250 years before the United States eventually conquered what's now the Southwest from Mexico. Spanish is the native language to this Southwest region and has been continuously spoken all these centuries and now you want Mexicans to drop the language? Spanish is the most American language - English is just an intruder that Mexicans were gracious enough to allow to exist.
Texas abuts Mexico. So if you don't want to hear so much Spanish move someplace far, far away like Maine...which abuts French-speaking Québec.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Notary Public

For all of your notary needs, call the Notary Dude.

Have seal, will travel
as long as it's in Dallas Mapsco pages 2,3,4 or 5


Quotes from Yogi Berra:

"I really didn't say everything I said."
(concerning a restaurant) "Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."
"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."
"We were overwhelming underdogs."
"It's déjà vu all over again."
"We made too many wrong mistakes."
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"If I didn't wake up I'd still be sleeping."
"90% of the game is half mental."
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours."
"I'm as red as a sheet."
(when asked if he wanted his pizza cut into four or eight slices) "Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
"You can observe a lot by watching."
"You've got to be careful if you don't know where you're going 'cause you might not get there."
"The future ain't what it used to be."
"It ain't over 'til it's over."